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When a teen commits suicide, everyone is affected.
Family members, friends, teammates, neighbors,
and sometimes even those who didn't know the teen
well might experience feelings of grief, confusion,
guilt — and the sense that if only they
had done something differently, the suicide could
have been prevented. The reasons behind a teen's
suicide or attempted suicide are often complex.
To help sort through these issues, and to learn
the warning signs that your teen might need help,
it's important to understand the forces that can
lead teens to suicide and to understand what you
can do to help.
Suicide Statistics
Although suicide is relatively rare among children,
the rate of suicide attempts and suicide deaths
increases tremendously during adolescence. Suicide
is the third-leading cause of death for 15- to
24-year-olds, according to the Centers for Disease
Control and Prevention (CDC), surpassed only by
accidents and homicide.
The risk of suicide increases dramatically when
kids and teens have access to firearms at home,
and nearly 60% of all suicides in the United States
are committed with a gun. That's why any gun in
your home should be unloaded, locked, and kept
out of the reach of children and teens. Ammunition
should be stored and locked apart from the gun,
and the keys for both should be kept in a different
area from where you store your household keys.
Always keep the keys to any firearms out of the
reach of children and adolescents.
It's
important to understand how suicide rates are
different for boys and girls. Girls think about
and attempt suicide about twice as often as boys,
and girls tend to attempt suicide by overdosing
on drugs or cutting themselves. Boys die by suicide
about four times as much as girls, perhaps because
they tend to use more lethal methods, such as
firearms, hanging, or jumping from heights.
Which Kids Are at Risk for Suicide?
Now that you're a parent, you might not remember
how it felt to be a teen, caught in that gray
area between childhood and adulthood. Sure, it's
a time of great possibility but it can also be
a period of great confusion and anxiety. There's
pressure to fit in socially, to perform academically,
and to act responsibly. There's the awakening
of sexual feelings, a growing self-identity, and
a need for autonomy that often conflicts with
the rules and expectations set by others.
A teen with an adequate support network of friends,
family, religious affiliations, peer groups, or
extracurricular activities may have an outlet
to deal with everyday frustrations. But many teens
don't believe they have that, and feel disconnected
and isolated from family and friends. These teens
are at increased risk for suicide.
Factors that increase the risk of suicide among
teens include:
• the presence of a psychological disorder,
especially depression, bipolar disorder, and alcohol
and drug use (in fact, approximately 95% of people
who die by suicide have a psychological disorder
at the time of death)
• feelings of distress, irritability, or
agitation
• feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness
that often accompany depression (a teen, for example,
who experiences repeated failures at school, who
is overwhelmed by violence at home, or who is
isolated from peers is likely to experience such
feelings)
• a previous suicide attempt
• a family history of depression or suicide
(depressive illnesses may have a genetic component,
so some teens may be predisposed to suffer major
depression)
• having suffered physical or sexual abuse
• lack of a support network, poor relationships
with parents or peers, and feelings of social
isolation
• dealing with homosexuality in an unsupportive
family or community or hostile school environment
Warning Signs
Suicide among teens often occurs following a stressful
life event, such as a perceived failure at school,
a breakup with a boyfriend or girlfriend, the
death of a loved one, a divorce, or a major family
conflict.
A teen who is thinking about suicide may:
• talk about suicide or death in general
• talk about "going away"
• talk about feeling hopeless or feeling
guilty
• pull away from friends or family
• lose the desire to take part in favorite
things or activities
• have trouble concentrating or thinking
clearly
• experience changes in eating or sleeping
habits
• self-destructive behavior (drinking alcohol,
taking drugs, or driving too fast, for example)
What Can Parents Do?
Most teens who commit or attempt suicide have
given some type of warning to loved ones ahead
of time. So it's important for parents to know the
warning signs so that kids who might be suicidal
can get the help they need.
Watch and Listen
Keep a close eye on a kid who seems depressed
and withdrawn. Poor grades, for example, may signal
that your teen is withdrawing at school.
It's important to keep the lines of communication
open and express your concern, support, and love.
If your teen confides in you, it's important to
show that you take those concerns seriously. A
fight with a friend may not seem like a big deal
to you in the larger scheme of things, but for
a teen, a situation like that can seem immense
and consuming. It's important not to minimize
or discount what your teen is going through. This
may increase his or her sense of hopelessness.
If your teen doesn't feel comfortable talking
with you, you may want to suggest a more neutral
person, such as another relative, a clergy member,
a coach, a school counselor, or your child's doctor.
Ask Questions
Some parents are reluctant to ask teens if they
have been thinking about suicide or hurting themselves.
Some fear that if they ask, they will plant the
idea of suicide in their teen's head.
It's always a good idea to ask, even though doing
so can be difficult. Sometimes it helps to let
someone know why you're asking. For instance,
you might say: "I've noticed that you've
been talking a lot about wanting to be dead. Have
you been having thoughts about trying to kill
yourself?"
Get Help
If you learn that your child is thinking about
suicide, get help immediately. Your doctor can
refer you to a psychologist or psychiatrist, or
your local hospital's department of psychiatry
can provide a list of doctors in your area. Your
local mental health association or county medical
society can also provide references. In an emergency,
you can call (800) SUICIDE or (800) 999-9999.
If your teen is in an emergency situation, your
local emergency room can conduct a comprehensive
psychiatric evaluation and refer you to the appropriate
resources. If you are unsure about whether you
should bring your child to the emergency room,
contact your doctor or call (800) SUICIDE for
help.
If you've scheduled an appointment with a mental
health professional, make sure to keep the appointment,
even if your teen says he or she is feeling better.
Suicidal thoughts do tend to come and go; however,
it is important that your teen get help developing
the skills necessary to decrease the likelihood
that suicidal thoughts and behaviors will emerge
again if a crisis arises in the future.
If your teen refuses to go to the appointment,
discuss this with the mental health professional
— you may consider attending the session
and working with the clinician to make sure your
teen has access to the help needed. The clinician
might also be able to help you devise strategies
to help your teen want to get help.
Remember that any ongoing conflicts between a
parent and child can fuel the fire for a teen
who is feeling isolated, misunderstood, devalued,
or suicidal. Get help to air family problems and
resolve them in a constructive way. Also let the
mental health professional know if there is a
history of depression, substance abuse, family
violence, or other stresses at home, such as an
ongoing environment of criticism.
Helping Teens Cope With Loss
What should you do if someone your teen knows,
perhaps a friend or a classmate, has attempted
or committed suicide? First, acknowledge your
child's many emotions. Some teens say they feel
guilty — especially those who felt they
could have interpreted their friend's actions
and words better.
Others say they feel angry with the person who
committed or attempted suicide for having done
something so selfish. Still others say they feel
no strong emotions. All of these reactions are
appropriate; emphasize to your teen that there
is no right or wrong way to feel.
When someone attempts suicide and survives, people
may be afraid of or uncomfortable about talking
with him or her about it. Tell your teen to resist
this urge; this is a time when a person absolutely
needs to feel connected to others.
Many schools address a student's suicide by calling
in special counselors to talk with the students
and help them deal with their feelings. If your
teen is having difficulty dealing with a friend
or classmate's suicide, it's best to make use
of these resources or to talk to you or another
trusted adult.
If You've Lost a Child
to Suicide
For parents, the death of a child is probably
the most painful loss imaginable. For parents
who've lost a child to suicide, the pain and grief
may be intensified. Although these feelings may
never completely go away, survivors of suicide
can take steps to begin the healing process:
• Maintain contact with others. Suicide
can be a very isolating experience for surviving
family members because friends often don't know
what to say or how to help. Seek out supportive
people to talk with about your child and your
feelings. If those around you seem uncomfortable
about reaching out, initiate the conversation
and ask for their help.
• Remember that your other family members
are grieving, too, and that everyone expresses
grief in their own way. Your other children, in
particular, may try to deal with their pain alone
so as not to burden you with additional worries.
Be there for each other through the tears, anger,
and silences — and, if necessary, seek
help and support together.
• Expect that anniversaries, birthdays,
and holidays may be difficult. Important days
and holidays often reawaken a sense of loss and
anxiety. On those days, do what's best for your
emotional needs, whether that means surrounding
yourself with family and friends or planning a
quiet day of reflection.
• Understand that it's normal to feel guilty
and to question how this could have happened,
but it's also important to realize that you may
never get the answers you are looking for. The
healing that takes place over time comes from
reaching a point of forgiveness — for both
your child and yourself.
• Counseling and support groups can play
a tremendous role in helping you to realize you
are not alone.
Resources:
Suicide Awareness Voices of Education (SAVE)
http://www.save.org
SAVE offers information on suicide prevention.
Call: (800) SUICIDE
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
http://www.afsp.org
This group is dedicated to advancing the knowledge
of suicide and the ability to prevent it.
American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry
(AACAP)
http://www.aacap.org
AACAP offers up-to-date information on child and
adolescent development and issues.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)
http://www.cdc.gov
The mission of the CDC is to promote health and
quality of life by preventing and controlling
disease, injury, and disability. Call: (800) 311-3435
American Psychological Association (APA)
http://www.apa.org
The APA provides information and education about
a variety of mental health issues for people of
all ages.
SafeUSA
http://www.safeusa.org/
This website from the Centers for Disease Control
and Prevention provides suicide hotlines, resources,
and information for people who are thinking about
suicide or are concerned about someone they know.
National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center
(NYVPRC)
http://www.safeyouth.org
NYVPRC was established as a central source of
information on prevention and intervention programs,
publications, research, and statistics on violence
committed by and against children and teens. Call:
(866) SAFEYOUTH
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