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The sudden death of a peer can be a tragic
event for a teen. Teens are naturally exploring
their expectations regarding mortality/immortality,
control, and whether or not the world is a safe
place. When a peer dies, teens are forced to confront
these issues, and many others, head on. With limited
life experience and emerging skills for coping
with overwhelming feelings, the sudden death of
a peer can be confusing and disorienting for a
teen.
In the shock after a sudden death, your teen might:
• Not have words to describe how they are
experiencing the loss.
• Want time alone.
• Want to be with his or her friends, even
to a degree that might seem excessive to the adults
in his or her life.
• Act like nothing has happened.
• Regress to a younger way of acting. He
or she may want to spend more time with parents
or insist on knowing where parents are at all
times, may not want to go to school, may pick
fights with siblings.
• Cry and display other expressions of sadness,
or have outbursts of anger and rage.
• Be afraid to drive or ride in a car.
• Have changes in appetite or sleep habits.
• Engage in excessive risk-taking behaviors.
• Want to memorialize the peer who died.
You can help your teen by:
• Holding his or her experience with compassion
and gentleness. This is may be a very confusing
time for your teen.
• Making yourself available to your teen
- however, don’t try to force a conversation
about the death. Sometimes just spending time
together, playing basketball or cooking, is exactly
enough.
• Acknowledging the tragedy and validating
any expressions of grief your teen is experiencing.
• Relaxing your expectations for “performance”
– schoolwork, chores, sports activities.
• Being aware of any destructive or self-harming
behaviors and offer supportive ways to express
grief in a healthier way.
• Communicating with school counselors and
teachers if you have concerns about behaviors
that seem extreme.
• Assisting him or her in accessing community
grief resources.
Other
related subjects:
Guidelines
for helping grieving teens
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