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Someone has died.
What do you say?
How do you act?
Why do I feel this way?
It helps to acknowledge that something terrible
has happened. Our sense of normal is shattered.
The unexpected has occurred. And life will NOT
be the same.
It's important to find safe places to talk about
how we feel. When we try to hide our pain, it
eats away inside of us. Pain can be a good thing.
When we break a leg, the pain tells us we should
do something about it. Grief pain is not so easy
to see, but it is real!
We need to find places to express that pain, or
to talk about how we feel. How?
• talking to a counselor, teacher, youth
minister, or priest or family member
• writing a journal expressing what we are
feeling
• talking to a friend who understands
• find or create a support group among your
peers where you can talk
about what has happened
• make a scrapbook with momentos, newspaper
articles, pictures,
keepsakes
How do I deal with anger?
Anger is a normal emotion, often felt when we
are grieving. We might feel angry at the person
who died, or at someone we think helped to cause
the death. We might feel angry with God. We might
even feel angry with
ourselves.
We need to find safe places to vent our anger
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• without hurting ourselves or others
• without hurting or damaging property or
things
• physical activity helps, a run, or working
out
• talking it out with someone who understands
• avoiding alcohol or drugs
What if I feel guilty?
There are a lot of questions that could start
with 'What IF'? Those
questions are uncomfortable and upsetting. We
can't change the past, or what has happened. Sometimes
we have to make a difference between what we could
have done, and what we had no control of. What
we had no control over, we have to let go. If
there are things we could have done differently,
it can help to write a letter and write down how
we wish things could have been.
And then the most important thing is to forgive
- ourselves and others. That is not always easy.
But it is an important step for moving on.
I don't want to forget the person who died. What
do I do when it seems life
just goes on as before?
• Create a scrapbook of memories.
• Light a candle on special days and anniversaries.
Invite others to
join you.
• Create a memorial. You could send a picture
and some memories to the memorial page on this
site. Or you could raise funds to plant a tree,
place a park bench or some other visible reminder.
It is important to remember that we all grieve
differently. What is
important that we don't stuff the grieving process
in, but find ways to express how we feel.
Looking for more? There is a great article - Facing
the Death of Friends - that you may find useful.
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